The Smudge Report

I’ve just realized…

bdmfs — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:15:21 +0000

I’ve just realized that I’ve picked everything that has ever mattered in my life on a whim and it has worked out.
Prep School; Deerfield, Hotchkiss or Lawrenceville, I’ll go to this one the blonde is hot. Outwardbound, why not?
College, Bates, they came to interview me. Study abroad, well Prauge didn’t work out might as well go to Fiji.
F, I’m graduating, I’ll move to Georgetown, they like preppy people there.
F, I need to stop drinking, time to leave Georgetown and join the military.
The next Logical step is to pick my wife on a whim and I’m confident that I’ll be part of the 50 percent that works out.
Oh, and as for what I shall drive Lloyd Banks says Beamer, Benz or Bentley and serious thought has been dedicated to the issue.
I’m tiniking Benz SL 55 AMG. Woe to the vanquished.

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Well I’m Back

bdmfs — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 05:39:25 +0000

It’s been a minute, damn near two years but I figured as my life has taken a change for the WTF I should start documenting this. While at work we got in a discussion of Generation X,Y, Z, millienals and all that good stuff. How bout that Miley Cyrus. Regardless, I no longer find myself trolling the streets of Georgetown for debutantes and instead am trying to pass the time in the desert on my way to war. There’s sure to be tales of debauchery and skullduggery dripped in habberdashery as I try to escape the desert and make my way to vegas or LA on a quest to find my LC. Stand by to copy…

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The Hottest Song Out Right Now

bdmfs — Thu, 15 May 2008 12:43:45 +0000

Rollin by Jackie Chain of Huntsville, AL is simply the hottest song out right now. It’s relatively unknown outside of the south but trust me, you’ll see. Sampling the trance classic “children” with chopped and screwed lyrics for the hook this song is a combination of all that is great about my music taste. I’ll bang out more postings once I get my macintosh fixed but until then just Roll like Jackie Chain.

PS. Did I mention that Jackie Chain is half white, half korean. Crazy I know but he’s still pretty good.

TGIF

bdmfs — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 13:24:29 +0000

Stumble out of bed. French Shower. Throw on a fly ass outfit suitable for Milan and it’s time to catch the BUS. I arrive at the bus portico engaged in an internal debate on the merits of skipping work. Do I go, Do I skip, Do I go, Do I skip…I’ll just skip across the street and have the best of both worlds. Skipping was a bad idea as I find myself ralphing behind the bus shelter. Surprisingly, not one pedestrian managed to take offense and I suspect that it’s because they’ve all walked a day in my topsiders. Things are starting to look up. The spinning stops, I grab a paper and sit patiently for the bus. I will make it to work today! 7:31 and the bus arrives and it’s the usual cast of characters. The fly hoodrat busdriver with the 1997 haircut; Miguel, Sanchez, Jose and Billy en route to some obligatory construction site. Maria and Maria are on their way to take care of bratty white babies in the upper northwest and they always have a smile on their face. Hell, I would too if i got bomb ass fajitas every night. Right behind the Marias is the hot mulatto chick that I’ve been dreaming about since August. Her age ranges anywhere from the late twenties to the mid thirties, regardless I’d hit it like Jason Giambi playing T-ball. Out of the park. One day I’ll get the digits but until then I’ll leave her wondering about the chocolate truffle draped in pink cable knit. There are a few private school kids and it’s quite a dichotomy due to the fact that there is Chelsea Clinton’s Alma Mater right up the street from a school that pumps out conservatives. Despite this everyone manages to co-exist on the bus and we continue to barrel up Wisconsin Ave picking up the occasional crackhead, cop, or hipster that’s doing their part to lower their carbon footprint. I think to myself, TGIF. Then I realize that I will not be going home to watch Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Perfect Strangers or any of the other bastions of my youth but my new friends Jack D, Jimmy B, and the Russian should make things all better. Arrive to work, no bagels F! are my eyes red, Yes? F! but finally the bagels make their way to the kitchen and things start to look up.

What led up to this? If only I could remember. Something about an open bar, dancing with randos and a pack of smokes.

I Caught a Charge

bdmfs — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 18:52:38 +0000

Well it appears that I will have to make a trip up north later this spring to defend myself in the court of law. Undoubtedly, a mistake from my youth is responsible for my meeting with Judge White. Hopefully I will not have to serve too much time, but while I’m in the “bing” expect me to be hard at work on my debut Rap album. More to come on this matter in the coming weeks.

Summer Playlist: 1st entry

bdmfs — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:12:46 +0000

Throughout the spring I will be posting links and videos to the soundtrack for the summer of 2008. With self-proclaimed impeccable music taste I feel that it is my duty to provide this service. Without further adieu I present Say Yeah by Wiz Khalifa. The producer behind this track had the genius to sample Alice Deejay’s “Better Off Alone” for the lead single for Wiz’s mainstream debut. This Pittsburgh artist has been generating buzz regionally and has even made it out of Pennsylfucky and on to the major Philly radio stations. Trust me, that sort of intrastate support is rare. “Better Off Alone” was a fun party song when that came out in the days of my youth and hopefully this update will serve a similar function. The video is a bit low budget but I can’t fault, after-all the guy is from Pittsburgh.

Guess Who’s Back

bdmfs — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 13:24:12 +0000

I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus. With tantrums at falafel houses and romps at Hooters I’ve found myself neglecting my literary duties. For that I apologize. Notwithstanding the jaunt to Pistolvania the bulk of my inactivity can be attributed to my pay schedule. This Monday when i miraculously made it into work I discovered that it was payday, a day earlier than I had anticipated. The only way to celebrate such an occasion is by a week long binge reminiscent of carnival. Monday, a bottle and a half of Chardonnay. Tuesday, happy hour followed by Pilsner. Wednesday, Merlot( good for the heart). Thursday, magnum bottle of Chardonnay then whatever followed at the bar. Later that night there was something involving apple juice and tobacco but whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Today…well we know what’s going to happen later. Despite my imbibing I managed to make it into work, granted I was late three out of five days this week but that is to be blamed on DC’s public transportation and not my own lack of respect for corporate America. This morning after being a whopping half an hour late I’m called into the small conference room by my manager. Uh oh! I’m forced to shoot off one of my prepackaged excuses that my parents and Deans have heard for years and it seems to do the trick. He then proceeds to tell me that I am very intelligent and articulate and whether I plan on being with the company for the long or short term, that I have a future. To this I want to reply, “no shit Sherlock”, but I simply sit in silence fussing with a button on my blazer. No good deed goes unpunished so the reverse must be true as-well.

bdmfs — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 22:56:59 +0000

Sunday Funday

bdmfs — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 22:56:30 +0000

The simple fact that I can post right now is a testament to Easter and Jesus rising from the dead. As I sit a clad in bright green pants, a pink shirt, paisley tie and a blue blazer I wonder why I ball so hard. Then I realize that if I don’t then no one one will, except for Jesus obvi! Truth be told I beat contra with one person and two lifes and J rose from the dead so we’re pretty much equal! Regardless, today I decided to celebrate Easter with J . Crew pants, one of fthe roommates and DC’s fintest gangster rap stations where upon which we arrive to a party only to find that we were a day late. The only way to remedy such a situation is by drinking the “blood of christ”with a few chums. Fast forward and we find ourselves at the bar where I was apparently kicked out the previous night. Turns out that I was not kicked out and I was simply standard bdmfs drunk. Nonetheless, It’s Sunday, it’s easter and I’m going to drink my Jesus juice. Nothing too fun happened but I did manage to get a girls number after telling her to hold my food while I insert the digits in the cell. She was a 7, I was buzzed and she may be my new thirsty thursday.

On another note. I talked to my mother yesterday as I tend to do every Saturday. Every Saturday she never fails to greet mee with “are you drunk”. Unfortunately, she’s usually correct. I proceed to indulge her with my tails of balling, vodka, strippers and my lust for new blazers to which she responds “pay your cable bill”! She’s smart, but unfortunately I’m the black male version of LC from the Hills and will continue to shop!

Thirsty Thursday

bdmfs — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:09:31 +0000

It was my third night of imbibing before the calendar reached Friday and I must say that it was the most interesting of the week. Yesterday kicked off among other things the beginning of March Madness, Spring, and a five month stretch of interactions with crazy girls that will end in me being either sterile or married. Last night, the first of my spring mistakes made her official debut. Two of the roommates, the damsel who would later be in distress, and I decided to patronize a bar where I was the only black bouncer since 1987. I have since resigned from my post but due to their nightly drink specials I occasionally find myself tipping former co-workers. So we’re there and it’s apparent to everyone that she’s significantly more drunk than the rest of us so I’m forced to order an L.I.T. , drink her vodka cran and a beer to get to some level of functionality. Unfortunately, I am forced to use discretion regarding the conversation that took place but it involved public transportation and monuments in France. Needless to say, that combined with her top made quite the scene. The guys wanted to throw me a high-five and their girlfriends showed looks of disgust while mumbling O.M.G. We watched some b-ball before it was mutually agreed upon that we should bounce to another bar to get some alone time. WHAT A MISTAKE. Arrive at the next bar and I run into people I know. It’s always good to arrive at another bar with an attractive girl as it makes it easier to approach girls that are more attractive, but that’s not the case when she’s stumbling as bad as I do on a Monday morning going to work. It’s not that fun. I can’t afford to be kicked out of another bar. After being banned from all but 5 bars with this one forgiving 2 intense Sunday Fundays within the past month I’m close to having only 4 bars left. As it would have appeared to the bouncer this girl was determined to make that happen by yelling at him and yelling at the bartender. Two vodka crans(her choice, I drank them), boobies, and some falling by both parties later when it was decided to go home for a re-up before hitting another bar. Long story short, girl gets locked in a bathroom with no lock, breaks her cell phone and psychoanalyzes herself before I have to throw her in a cab. Oddly enough, we talked this morning and may be going out again next week at my discretion. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife! (see video above)

Later that night we got in our third argument in as many weeks with our attorney neighbor. He has a cute wife but she’s been gaining a little weight. As it turns out she’s eight months pregnant, hence why lawyer neighbor has been all up in our grills. Last night got to the point where he threatened litigation to which my legal scholar roommate responded by trading jabs regarding the prestige of their respective firms. This escalated into an argument where lawyer neighbor(5’9″) pushes roommate (6’5″). Unfortunately, due to a pending gag order, I can not discuss further details.

In other news, how ’bout that Duke game?