The Smudge Report

I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus.  With tantrums at falafel houses and romps at Hooters I’ve found myself neglecting my literary duties. For that I apologize.  Notwithstanding the jaunt to Pistolvania the bulk of my inactivity can be attributed to my pay schedule.  This Monday when i miraculously made it into work I discovered that it was payday, a day earlier than I had anticipated.  The only way to celebrate such an occasion is by a week long binge reminiscent of carnival.  Monday, a bottle and a half of Chardonnay.  Tuesday, happy hour followed by Pilsner.  Wednesday, Merlot( good for the heart). Thursday, magnum bottle of Chardonnay then whatever followed at the bar.  Later that night there was something involving apple juice and tobacco but whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Today…well we know what’s going to happen later.  Despite my imbibing I managed to make it into work, granted I was late three out of five days this week but that is to be blamed on DC’s public transportation and not my own lack of respect for corporate America.  This morning after being a whopping half an hour late I’m called into the small conference room by my manager. Uh oh! I’m forced to shoot off one of my prepackaged excuses that my parents and Deans have heard for years and it seems to do the trick.  He then proceeds to tell me that I am very intelligent and articulate and whether I plan on being with the company for the long or short term, that I have a future.   To this I want to reply, “no shit Sherlock”, but I simply sit in silence fussing with a button on my blazer.  No good deed goes unpunished so the reverse must be true as-well.