Sunday Funday
The simple fact that I can post right now is a testament to Easter and Jesus rising from the dead. As I sit a clad in bright green pants, a pink shirt, paisley tie and a blue blazer I wonder why I ball so hard. Then I realize that if I don’t then no one one will, except for Jesus obvi! Truth be told I beat contra with one person and two lifes and J rose from the dead so we’re pretty much equal! Regardless, today I decided to celebrate Easter with J . Crew pants, one of fthe roommates and DC’s fintest gangster rap stations where upon which we arrive to a party only to find that we were a day late. The only way to remedy such a situation is by drinking the “blood of christ”with a few chums. Fast forward and we find ourselves at the bar where I was apparently kicked out the previous night. Turns out that I was not kicked out and I was simply standard bdmfs drunk. Nonetheless, It’s Sunday, it’s easter and I’m going to drink my Jesus juice. Nothing too fun happened but I did manage to get a girls number after telling her to hold my food while I insert the digits in the cell. She was a 7, I was buzzed and she may be my new thirsty thursday.
On another note. I talked to my mother yesterday as I tend to do every Saturday. Every Saturday she never fails to greet mee with “are you drunk”. Unfortunately, she’s usually correct. I proceed to indulge her with my tails of balling, vodka, strippers and my lust for new blazers to which she responds “pay your cable bill”! She’s smart, but unfortunately I’m the black male version of LC from the Hills and will continue to shop!
The Thong Song
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Where were you in 2000? I was a young lad gallivanting around my prep school’s campus inspired by the magnificence of the song posted above. Recently MTV Jams, my favorite channel, has been playing videos either filmed in Miami or by Miami artist. The “Thong Song” is among that lot. Sisqo truly was a visionary with his anthem praising “thongs”, “dumps like trucks” and “living la vida loca”. This very video inspired me to dye my hair ( we ran out of bleach so with half a dye job it was decided that I was better off bald. They called me Morpehous for the rest of the week). The “Thong Song” came out at the peak of Sisqo’s solo success, previously he was the front man of the late 90’s sensation Dru Hill. Sisqo’s solo star power was epitomized three minutes and fifteen seconds into the video when he hurdles atop a bevy of beauties and is transported on to a stage under black lights with a freaking SUPERNOVA! in the background. It’s truly an amazing moment. On the stage is a 9 piece string ensemble and in front of the stage are roughly two dozen shorties wearing fluorescent swimsuits! Joseph Kahn certainly received a visit from a muse in order to conceptualize such a fulfilling video. I am mesmerized everytime I see it and still hold Sisqo in high esteem. There’s also a blonde at three minutes 55 seconds who tickles my fancy.
Bacon Wrapped Fish Sticks!
As I stumbled into my office with a gait reminiscent of Jack Sparrow from the Pirate movies (got juice boxes last night!) I was reminded by my rumbling stomach of my genius recipe and how I desperately craved more for breakfast. It all started three weeks ago when I went on a bender at my local supermarket. I ended up dropping a hundred and ”borrowing” a shopping cart but the most important part of the story is that i picked up a few packets of bacon and a box of Gorton’s fish sticks. Upon surveying my bounty I wondered what I could concoct with so much food when I realized that bacon and fish sticks made the perfect match. The kind of match that made it to the hot tub at the end of an episode of “Blind Date”. My recipe for Bacon Wrapped Fish Sticks and Secret Sauce is as follows:
1. Take the fish sticks and bake them until the fire alarm goes off.
2. Turn off the fire alarm.
3. Wrap the Fish Sticks! in bacon.
4.Put them in the frying pan and cook until everything is a crisp golden brown.
…Simple right? Now time for the sauce.
The Key ingredients are Sandwich Spread(My roommate says it’s a black thing, I say it’s for everybody), Franks Red Hot Sauce(I guess another black thing), and Horseradish (definitely not a black thing). Once you have the key ingredients you mix it all in a bowl and “Bam!” you got the secret sauce. Once this is all complete grab your Rick Ross CD and play track number 4. If you don’t “get some get some, in the front seat of the hummer” after that then I’m not bdmfs.
Collar Popping
It’s been known since the Preppy Handbook that when the Collars Pop, The Panties Drop. We’ve all seen the picture of the Dbag with 4 green popped collars and most love to hate. For that situation the hating is well deserved but in most other circumstances, especially when I’m rocking it, one who pops the collar deserves respect. If you don’t believe me then download “Poppin’ my Collar” by the Three Six Mafia. Hell, my first grade class pic has a young baller poppin a horizontal stripped polo. I digress, the reason why some people get so offended by a popped collar is their feeling that it oppresses the proletariat. That is false, I break color barriers for poppin collars like Jackie Robinson did for baseball. Especially when I’m rocking dubs purp or trips pink. The moral of the story is that the next time you see a “d-bag” rocking a popped collar or even multiple collars don’t hate, appreciate. They’re just repping their hood whether it be Wilton, Connecticut or Bucks County, PA.
In the beginning…
There was sisqo. Then we found religion. Then BDMFS arrived but enough with the self grandizing it’s time for real talk. Last night I was pounding rum and apple juice(i was out of juice boxes) while watching John Adams. It made me wonder what happened to this country. The founding fathers, although white, were a bunch of G’s. They told those bad toothed Brits to fall back. They threw the tea in the Boston harbor then shot up a bunch of red coats with musket balls. If doing a drive by on a horse with a musket is not gangster then i don’t know what is. Regardless, back to my point we overthrew the most powerful country in the world then started the most powerful country in the world. Flash forward 200 and some years later and now we have to go to Dubai for financial bail outs? That is not GANGSTER. What I propose is that we start a new revolution. More on the revolution to follow. I’m not sure what it will entail but I can guarantee tricks and Cadillac Escalades. That is all.
What’s Smudge
Simply put, Smudge is what I like. I believe that I have great taste, style and the ability to see the future. I like the beautiful soundscapes produced by Tiesto and the Miami Hustle flow of Rick Ross. I like blazers, loafers and cigarellos. I love shorties, tricks and hoagies. What you will learn is how all the aforementioned and many more pleasures of life will up your standard of living from upper middle class to ballin! That is all, Fall Back!
